5 Comebacks to Floor Your Brat Teenager

You’ve probably heard your teen yell, “leave me alone!” a time or two. I guess we should get used to being to being despised for a while. Parenting emotional teens is a hard job! Especially as we’re trying to remain present, with open lines of communication. A study by the Council of Economic Advisers found that teens who have poor relationships with their parents are more likely to smoke, drink, abuse drugs and engage in sexual behavior. Yikes! Guess we better figure this thing out.

Having a bit of humor is key to keeping your sanity while parenting. Laughing about the struggle will bring you much-needed stress relief. If you are looking for ways to laugh your way through the treacherous teenage years, having a repertoire of comebacks is just the thing. Here are six one-liners that will catch your teen off guard. They might even elicit a laugh or two!

1. “Only boring people are bored.”

There’s no doubt that summer break is prime time for the “I’m bored” complaints. Do they think you’re going take them to Six Flags if they complain enough? Knowing all the things you’ve purchased for their enjoyment are sitting idly by can add to feelings of annoyance as your kids exclaim they have nothing to do. Tell them it isn’t your job to entertain them. Even better, suggest a list of ways they can help you around the house if they’re really itching for some activity. I’m sure that’ll spark some creative ideas. 

2. “It’s my job to make sure you don’t end up stupid.”

As spouted by our super hero, TV mom Tami Taylor. Tami is the fearless matriarch of hit show “Friday Night Lights”. She’s got motherly traits we all want. She’s kind, fair, patient, loving, and smoking hot. Tami drops this bomb on the show’s resident slacker when he lies about reading The Scarlet Letter, telling her that it is a book about a gal named Scarlet… 

3. “Perfect, now I don’t have to _________.”

This another winning retort because it works under most circumstances. When your kid says they hate the junky car you bought them for their 16th birthday, you can share with them your relief that you no longer have to supply them a vehicle. Or when they tell you how much they hate what you made for dinner, say “Perfect, more for me and Dad!” Sure, your teen deserves a few options in life, but you’re not a bad mom for not granting their every wish. You’re a strong mom; a boundary setting mom!

4. “You are allowed to hate me, but you are still not allowed to go out tonight.”

Another great way to stump that stubborn teen is to grant them permission to throw their fit. It shows that their insults aren’t going to change the trajectory of your day and your plans. Sometimes no reaction is the best reaction! Plus, it ends the argument. There is no more argument once you’ve both reached the same conclusion!

5. “Well, I love you anyways!”

This comeback is all about deadpan delivery. Use this when your teen is especially vial. Look them straight in the eye with a sweet smile and tell them you love ’em. They’ll feel awful when they feel your sincerity. Or they ‘ll pick up on your sarcasm and do one of two things: explode in sheer frustration or crack a smile. It all sounds like a win to me. 

All things considered, parenting is mostly a game of will power and wits. You need to be one step ahead of your teen. Have a game plan for how you’ll react when things go south. Most importantly, knowing your attitude is under control is the best tool you have when combating your hormone crazed teen.

If all else fails, turn to the serenity prayerGod, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (my teenager’s attitude); The courage to change the things I can (my attitude); And the wisdom to know the difference. You’ve got this.

Tyler Clark is a proud father, husband, writer and outreach specialist with experience helping parents and organizations that help troubled teen boys. Tyler has focused on helping through honest advice and humor on: modern day parenting, struggles in school, the impact of social media, addiction, mental disorders, and issues facing teenagers now.

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