No one had warned us about Miss Morrison. When my friends and I picked her classes, it was only because we had to take some psychology classes and hers were given at the best times of the day.

When she entered the first class, it was overflowing. There were people standing around the room with no seats. The classroom was designed for up to 40 people and there were nearly 100 students already. Miss Morrison entered with an angry look on her face. She was so rude you could say she barked her words.

She started reading the class roll and occasionally said to a student, “I don’t like this name. I’m going to call you…” and gave him or her a different name. She also skipped some of the names. When people commented about this, she said, “I only read the names I like to read”. Someone asked her, “What about the names you do not read? Will they be reported as missing?” but she just shrugged her shoulders and never answered.

The class was in terror. Miss Morrison was rude and abusive and I was not sure if I should laugh or cry.

The following week, I entered the class and there were only 17 students there. I remember wondering whether I was brave or stupid to stay in that class. After the previous abusive session, most of the students rushed to the office to change their timetable. Miss Morrison came into the class with a big grin on her face, “Great, it worked”, she said. We looked around at each other, understanding she had done it on purpose.

Only later in life, I understood it was a test of confidence. Only those who were not afraid of her, only those who dared to stay (or had no choice with their time table) could enjoy her wisdom. And only a courageous teacher could dare to take her students through such a test and survive the system…

The first question she asked was, “Who are you?” I was not one of the bravest and I was so afraid of her at that stage. I hoped she would never recognize me and that she would skip my name because she did not like it…

One woman in the class answered. I remember admiring her for the rest if our studies. She said, “My name is Amira, I’m a woman, I’m 26…”

Miss Morrison interrupted her, “Why did you tell me your name?”

Amira was shocked.

“Why do you think it’s important for me to know how old you are?” continued Miss Morrison, her list of questions going on and on.

We were confused at first, but this lesson started a journey of self discovery for all of us. For 4 years, she kept telling us the way we described ourselves was our identity and vice versa.

Years later, when I became a life coach, I understood the full depth of the question “Who are you?” and the types of stories it brings out of different people.

Every person has a story. This story is what we think of ourselves and how we present ourselves to others. Whether we like it or not, we dedicate our lives consciously and subconsciously to support this story, whether or not it is a nice story.

When we present our name, our gender, our profession, our religious background, our place of birth, our talents or our weaknesses, we declare they are part of who we are and we live life to support this declaration.

We become the stories we tell about ourselves

The real difficulty in life is that we believe our stories. When we have told them enough times, we find it hard to change them, because by telling them over and over again, we have convinced ourselves they were true representations of us.

The good news is we believe all the stories, including the good, happy and successful, ones like, “My name is Ronit, I’m a good mother, I love traveling and writing…”

The bad news is we also believe the bad, sad and failure, stories like, “My name is Ronit, I’m not very good with technology, I do not like it when my kids watch TV…”

So stories are not all bad. It only depends which of them you choose to tell yourself.

What’s your story?

If you want to discover your own story, write a letter introducing yourself to the world, as if you were a journalist writing a feature article about yourself. Tell the world who you are. Start from where you think the beginning is. Be honest and describe things as you perceive them, not the way you wanted them to be. Try telling the world how you have reached this point in your life. Write about the highs and lows. Feel free to write the truth. After all, you are the only person who will be reading.

When you are done, check your stories. Which of them are good? Which of them are not healthy for you? Find patterns that repeat. You will be surprised to discover what stories you tell yourself.

If you are a parent, your challenge is to make sure your kids tell powerful stories about themselves. To find out if this is the case, ask them to write a description of who they are. It will give you insights into their minds and what you can do for them to be whole a happy in life. If they are still young, they can draw and tell you what they have drawn. You will be amazed at what comes up in this little activity.

One of Gal’s clients took this exercise so seriously that it took him over 3 months to write his life story. In the process, he learned so much about himself, his fears, and his mindset. Gal received a copy of this story as a printed book and it was as brilliant as it was revealing.

I invite you to my blog, to read all my stories. Every day I write (I have already written over 300 days), I learn something about my own stories…

By the way, my psychology teacher is one of the stories of my life – I am living every day to support it.

Happy stories,
Ronit

It’s looking around the world, at what is happening with starving people and violence, which makes me feel small and helpless sometimes. I can remember thinking about it ever since I was 15 years old, like Atlas, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. I wrote poetry, listened to Joan Baez and wrote John Lennon’s words of “Imagine” on my notebooks.

Have you ever been asked about the teachers that influenced your life? Well, it’s happened to me quite a few times, and I’ve always given the same answer. Reuben.

It was in grade 11. I was on the school council and headed the newsletter committee. One day, five of us were sitting in the principal’s office, accompanied by the teacher who had supported us for the entire year. This teacher, Reuben, had a family of his own, yet he spent hours with us, during breaks and after school, something no other teacher ever did. He sat on “our” side, facing the principal, and moved our chairs into a circle, breaking the authoritative seating arrangement.

Later on that evening, I asked, “Reuben, why are you doing this? Why are you spending all this time with us?” and he said something that changed my life forever. “If I make a difference in the life of the five of you and each of you will make a difference in the life of some other five, it’ll spread, and together we will make this world a better place”.

I think that, inside of me, I came up with the belief that his words were the answer to easing the load of the world. Each of us will make Heaven on Earth with the people around us, and together we will make this world a better place.

You see, he never said anything about the pace, about how long we’ll have to live until this starts affecting others. He didn’t even say anything about how to do it.

It was only 5 years later, when I studied Special Education, that I learned the 7% rule, which made another change in my life (except for the other million changes that happened every second in my life up until then). I figured out how to do it. I came to study Special Education with his words inside of me and was a bit surprised to find out that words make up only 7% of our communication.

You probably understand how devastating it can be for a writer, who treats words as colors in the hand of an artist, to find out that words don’t have that affect because they represent only 7% of communication. I wondered about his words numerous times and realized that what he gave us was his passion, his time, his love, his smile and his faith. He gave us encouragement and the belief in our ability to make a difference. You see, his words were just a summary of a whole year of communicating his belief. He was the candle and we were the mirrors to reflect it.

It changed my life because I realized that what matters is the things I believe in and the things I pass on. I realized that in order to change the world, I needed to change myself. I know that, no matter what I do, I’m a candle, and if I want my mirrors to reflect beautiful light, I have to shine that light. During that time, I dived deeper into the journey of self-discovery, brightening my candle, or the way we now say it at home, “bettering myself”.

Coaching, or personal development, existed since the beginning of humanity. The desire to “better ourselves” is probably carved inside of us and learning is the greatest tool to achieve this.

Brian Tracy, in his books and talks, presents this concept of success as a measurement of the drive to get better and better at things that are important to us. Technically, if every day we get just a tiny bit better, the effect is compounded. This results in faster and faster growth, which is then reflected by all the people around us. Together, we can spread the light.

It’s funny that people typically start the journey of self-discovery at a late stage in their life, when they are fed up with the compromises they’ve made and they want to make changes. Funny, because they had it when they were born, they believed they could do and have anything they wanted, but life gradually strangled that belief.

The most important five people that I chose to spread my light with are Gal and the kids. In our house, we’ve introduced the “bettering myself” concept to our teenage daughter, our 9-year-old son and our 4-year-old daughter. It helped us change life from an unconscious existence of doing things “because Mum told me to”, or “because everyone does it”, into a sequence of purposeful actions.

We ask questions like “What can I do today to better myself?” or “Is what I’m doing now going to help me better myself?” When a kid is bettering himself, because he is so young, can you imagine what he can achieve in a lifetime? Purposeful children never get to be fed up, because they ask themselves these question every day and learn to be responsible for their life.

The bad news: time flies. The good news: you are the pilot

When you are an adult, you might see the bad news, but children are born to embrace the good news. It is amazingly powerful to be in full control, to be the pilot.

I think Reuben was a “kid” who realized not only that he is the pilot of his own life, but also that he is somehow a pilot of the life of all the people he’s in contact with. I think he changed our life and made this world a better place by believing and spreading this belief, by making sure that the other 93% of communication will come out shiny and enlightening.

I know now that my writing to you represents only 7% of my belief and that you all know the other 93%. So if you do feel sometimes that there are bad things in the world, that we have too many wars, fear or hunger, think of the light that is fading and brighten your light by looking at the mirror.

Until next time, have a safe journey of “bettering yourself”.

May the force be with you!
Ronit