“Why are you here?” I asked him and he told me his story. This is a story for all of you who want to be millionaires.

Chris came because he was unhappy. He had no motivation to get up in the morning at all. Beer was his companion. He got up in the morning and he could only think of beer. Driving a Mercedes Benz and thinking only about beer did not seem right to him.

Chris grew up and spent most of his life in Europe. He had a tough life, a really tough life – a strong abusive mother and a weak father who never defended him. He was a trouble maker and never got along with his older sister. When he was eighteen, his father “threw him” out of the house.

“I started all kinds of business”, he told me, “I had a hot dog stand and sold vacuum cleaners from house to house”. I could see his eyes light up a bit as he told me about these ventures. “All that time, I knew I was going to make money. Being poor was not an option”, he continued.

Many people come to coaching wanting to improve their finances. “If they only had that attitude”, I thought to myself.

“I am a creative person. I like that feeling of starting something new and working towards making money out of it”, Chris said. At that point, I still could not understand why he was unhappy.

During his adventures, he met Lisa. From the first minute they met, they were one. “After 30 years, I still love Lisa and she still loves me,” he said with a smile.

In the back of my head, I had this annoying question, “Chris, it all sounds very loving and happy, so what is wrong?” but I didn’t want to ruin the fun.

“Seven years ago, I opened a new business”, Chris went on, “I really believed it was going to work but it did not. I paid the people who worked for me but had no money left for myself. I used all my credit and finished all my savings. Lisa had a job all that time and told me to keep working on my business, and so I did. With Lisa backing me up and having such confidence in me, a year later I had a very successful business”.

“Two years ago, we had a major breakthrough in the business. We now turn over 2 million dollars a year from this business alone.”

Everyone’s dream, wouldn’t you agree?

“I wanted a Mercedes Benz so much, but now I feel uncomfortable driving it. I can get up in the morning whenever I want, I can have everything I want, I have money, I have Lisa, I am successful in my business but I am depressed and sad.”

Do you ever think to yourself, “If only I had a million dollars, I could have everything I want”? Think again! What would you do with that much money?

You see, Chris did not think of this for over 30 years. Since he left home and wanted to make money, being poor was not an option, but being wealthy was not an option either. He wanted money for the sake of having money. Just like most people in the world, 96% to be exact, Chris went to work every day with many desires but no purpose. He practiced making money, but not enjoying his money. He was very good at working hard for his money but not very good at knowing what to do with it.

Chris was a millionaire, but did not have a wealthy mindset. The difference between wealthy people and poor people is not how much money they have in their bank account but what they do with that money. Material possessions can give you only so much, so make sure you concentrate on the real things. Learn to enjoy what you have, even if you have just a little, so when you have your breakthrough, you will still want to be a millionaire.

Marina was a beautiful 19-year-old model when she met Peter, who was a handsome, loving man. They dated for a long time and were a happy and successful couple – big love, great jobs, good pay and an active social life. This perfect picture changed when Marina got pregnant.

They stopped going out, stopped the late nights, the wine and the dancing and Peter started spending more and more time away from home.

Marina had a feeling he was fooling around and felt very sad and lonely. She cried a lot and did not want to do anything. She gained weight and could hardly recognize the model she had been in her teen years. She felt really bad.

After a month of emotional stress, she decided to talk to Peter about her feelings. Peter assured her he was a devoted husband and referred her to one of the top psychiatrists in town who, told her she had prenatal depression.

After the delivery of their first son, Marina felt even worse and her psychiatrist prescribed some medication to deal with her increasing depression. Just like many other women after delivery, Marina entered the depression statistics.

Four years later, things happened exactly the same way. Marina was in her last months of her pregnancy and Peter was working overtime to support their growing family.

Marina suspected him again. Peter told her he loved her dearly, bought her presents, but was nowhere to be found when she went into labor with their second son.

Marina’s depression did not help improve their relationship. Once a social and friendly person, she became reserved, with low self esteem, a negative body image and no confidence, while Peter traveled many days every year.

18 years later, Marina decided to take stock of her life. She was still married, there was no real communication with her husband, little fun, 2 children, 18 years of anti-depressants. 8 times, she had suspected Peter was having an affair. 8 times, he denied. She had no family support, few friends and a really bad feeling about herself.

Marina’s situation was painful. She was ready to move on.

Peter went overseas for work and Marina was about to pick him up from the airport on Wednesday noon. He called her from overseas and told her he was going to stay one more day for meetings and he’d take a taxi home.

That time, Marina did not go crying to her psychiatrist. Instead, she called one of her friends who worked for the airline and asked her to find the real day and hour Peter was supposed to arrive. Her friend told her he should be back as per the original itinerary. On Wednesday at noon, Marina stood at the airport looking at all the welcoming people, unsure if she was as happy as the rest. About half an hour later, Peter appeared, holding hands with a woman with whom he worked!

The divorce went really well. After signing the divorce papers, Marina asked Peter about all the incidents she had suspected and he admitted that in all of them, he had been having affairs.

“And I thought all that time I was crazy and imagining things”, Marina said when she first came to see me. “I have been taking anti-depressants for 21 years, but now I want to stop. Will you help me?” she asked.

“This is something you need to discuss with your psychiatric”, I told her.

“I have”, she said, “And he told me I couldn’t. He said that without it, I’ll be worse.”

“And what do you think?” I continued.

She thought about it for a minute. I looked at her. She was in her late forties and overweight. I could see the model in her, because she still had style. A person needs a lot of courage to stand at the airport and face her greatest fear. She was a brave woman and she was ready to start living.

“I think I can,” she said in a confident tone.

I smiled. “If you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right”, I told her.

During coaching, Marina gradually stopped her medication with the help of her wonderful doctor. She goes out and is has entered a happy new relationship. She has improved her relationships with her kids and is communicating amazingly well with Peter. She has been promoted at work and is considering publishing her story “to help others believe they can”.

I am inspired. I hope you are too!

The Man Who Thinks He Can
- Walter D. Wintle

If you think you’re beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don’t;
If you’d like to win, but think, you can’t
It’s almost a cinch you won’t.
If you think you will lose, you’re lost;
For out in the world we find,
Success begins with a fellow’s will,
It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you’re outclassed, you are;
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to hustle before
You can ever win a prize.
Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the one who thinks he can.

As a life coach, my role is to empower people. From my point of view, every person has all the power in the world to achieve great and wonderful things, but that’s not the way most people are brought up, so I help my clients find the power inside them and become independent in their thinking, feelings and actions.

Now, if you’re living in suburbia like me, and especially if you’re working from home like me, you have heard the knock on the door, gone to see who it was and found someone collecting donations for charity. They range from extremely nice to disabled (and sometimes both), and use their charm and rehearsed pitch to get you to part with some money. Sometimes it’s a raffle ticket, sometimes it’s a poor child in some third world country and sometimes it’s a local community organization. All good and noble causes.

Call me cruel, but I always feel that charity money ends up prolonging the problems it is collected for. For instance, children in third world countries are poor because their parents feel helpless and cannot see a way out of their situation. Another example is a person with some disability, who comes up to my door and asks for my donation, because they cannot go to work, which makes me thing they could actually work as a door-to-door salesperson just as well.

When a person is given handouts, they build an identity of need. When the handouts stop, the person cannot survive without them. The alternative is to support organizations that develop infrastructure and teach people how to take care of themselves. There are such organizations, but they seem to be few and far between.

A very big issue in Australia is the money given to Aboriginal people, which they end up using to buy beer and get drunk. This is also the case with many Native American in reservations. Both of these situations arise from giving money to people who want something else – the feeling that they have power over their own life. These examples are extreme, but they illustrate the issue well.

Don’t get me wrong, from the point of view of the person donating, this is great. It’s an act of kindness and sharing and it feels really good. However, from the point of view of the recipient, more often than not it develops a dependence on others and takes their power away.

I would like to encourage you to donate to organizations that build and empower individuals and communities, rather than giving money to people.  If you can, instead of giving money, volunteer your time and support the needy by teaching them skills and encouraging them to be self-sufficient as much as possible.

But here’s the problem: much of what we need to discover in life is PERSONAL, and no matter how good a public program is, personal growth is, well, personal. So these programs do a great job of awakening people and giving them a taste of something good. You don’t know what you don’t know, right? So sampling some personal growth goodies, getting an overview of this, that and the other, and even spending some serious time following somebody’s program are all good things, but they are only the beginning.

To really get your life in gear, you have to deal with your own baggage and make sense of it – remove limiting beliefs, change focus, set goals, build relationship skills – based on who you are and what YOU want.

To do this, I highly recommend working with a life coach.

A life coach is a professional friend. It’s someone who cares for you and guides you with a method. It’s someone who has collected ideas and possible solutions from working with many people and can gently direct you towards finding your own best way forward.

I’ve personally been coached 3 times already. Each time, I grew tremendously as a person. Each time, I opened up and became happier than ever before. Each time, I learned new things and acquired new skills to handle my time, my business, my relationships and my emotions. It was brilliant!

The nicest thing for me about coaching was that it transferred the power in my life into my hands. I had not realized how powerful I was until I sat down and faced my mental blocks head on, took ownership of my feelings and let go of what other people felt and did. Many of the concepts were strange to me at first, but ultimately, I learned to focus on what works.

In the past, people wanted to be respected, to be wealthy, to be famous or to have “a good job”. Nowadays, most people just want to be happy. In essence, life coaching is an excellent way to work on a personal level with another human being and learn how to be happy YOUR WAY.

For more on life coaching, see this life coaching page.

The thing with beliefs is that we make decisions based on them. So you might expect people to confirm their beliefs and validate them before using them to decide what to do, especially in matters of importance. Well, as scary as this may seem, they don’t. Oh, and neither do you.

You see, our beliefs are very dear to us, so we protect them. They are dear to us because they make our world more predictable and understandable and thus safer. So when we were born, we hurried up and absorbed beliefs from our environment – from our parents, from TV, from school and pretty much everywhere else – and, in many cases, we absorbed beliefs that have nothing to do with reality and everything to do with what our parents thought, but that was fine for us, because we didn’t know any better.

So far, what I’ve described is natural and happens to everyone. What happens next is that our beliefs determine our behavior and therefore the results we get. If we were told as kids “You’re no good at sports”, we stay away from sports, and then we put on weight. If we were told as kids “Wow, you do math so easily”, we do more math, so we become even better at it, until we become accountants.

Yet, as we grow up, most of us get a feeling that life could be better. There’s got to be more to life than working 8-6 (anyone still remember 9-5?), facing a computer all day long and trying to have a life during weekends and annual leave. So we read books on change and we go to seminars and we listen to audio programs and some of us even see a life coach (they’re the ones that get the best results, by the way), and we do our best to change.

So here’s a great exercise for you, which you can do as often as you like, whenever you have some time to yourself.

1. Find a quiet spot (sorry, all my “do it yourself” tips start with this bit)
2. Take a few deep, long breathes
3. On a piece of paper, write down the question “What kind of a person am I?”
4. As fast as you can, without picking up the pen from the paper, write down as many answers as you can. If you get stuck, scribble. Keep at it for 3 minutes
5. Each of the statements you have written is a belief. For each belief
   1. Ask yourself “Is this helping me to think of myself like this?”
   2. If your answer is “no”, find exceptions to the statement, i.e. examples of when it is not true
   3. Ask yourself “What would be a better (more empowering) way to think of myself?”
   4. Write an alternative statement and feel its power

If you need some help sorting out your beliefs, seek the help of a life coach. This is what life coaches do for a living and you’ll be happy you did.

Now, my own 3 kids are a source of pure joy and pride for me and, being an experienced father and a parenting coach, I felt I needed to say something to make him feel easier.

So I traveled back in my head to one of my favorite moments in time, when the paediatrician finished examining my first born, wrapped her up snuggly in her first-ever clothes and handed her to me. There I was, dreading the huge responsibility for a totally helpless human being, worried sick about my best friend, who was being stitched up from her C-section operation, and exhausted from 30 hours of labor.

I reached out, held the little bundle in my arms and brought her close to my chest. Her warmth spread through my body and suddenly, everything was alright. Not knowing what the world is like, not being able to do even the simplest things, my new daughter has the amazing ability to make everything right just be being there.

I looked at her, tears welling up in my eyes, and said, “You know, I don’t know you yet, but already I love you so much” (here I go dropping a tear again as I write – sniff, sniff).

So I told the young man this, “Let me make parenting really simple for you. If something could be dangerous, don’t do it. Stop and ask someone. If it isn’t dangerous, go ahead and do it and then see what happens. More than anything, remember that your kid will need your love in order to grow. She (he is having a daughter too) will do the rest, so be guided by her responses”.

He relaxed and smiled.