Motivation, as you may know, has two sides: pain and pleasure. Unfortunately, pain is a stronger motivator. At the same time, being inundated by threats creates an atmosphere of fear and stress. Who wants to live like this?
One day, I was standing at the post office, waiting to be served, and in front of me in life were a few people, who cam to pay their bills there. While I was waiting, I looked around, and noticed a rather large sign behind the counter, which said in red, bold letter, “Avoid Penalties!”
The people who come to the post office to pay their bills are usually (and I’m not saying always) the kind of people who get a short paycheck and calculate every cent of their expenses, while being unaware of, or unable to use, automatic payment means, credit cards, etc. Many of them have bills hanging over their heads anyway, they’re afraid of losing their job, not making mortgage payments, disconnections and other threats, and now they are being warned of penalties?
Often, when I drive on the highway, I see a sign saying “Wear a seatbelt or wear a fine”, another one saying “Speed cameras are operated in this area” or even one asking “Which one would you rather ride tonight?” and showing a taxi and a police car (that one’s for people thinking of driving drunk).
Obviously, we want drivers to behave on the road and to drive safely, but what happens when the incentive given is to avoid being caught? I know I keep my eyes on the speedometer, which is really not where I should be looking when I drive. I should be looking at the road. I know that drivers, especially young ones, see these signs as a challenge and do their best to drive too fast or while intoxicated and not get caught.
Now, I can’t do much about the sign at the post office, but I did write to the government department in charge of the highway and said, “How about writing on the sign something like ‘Thank you for driving safely’?”
Well, after quite a long time, I got a call from a man, who said he was really sorry, but he couldn’t approve such a change. When I asked him why, he said “Because I don’t have the authority to approve sign changes”. I asked him, “In that case, why did you ring me? Go ahead and escalate my suggestion to the person with the proper authority”.
“Oh, no, I can’t do that”, he said. Go figure.
A few months later, I saw a sign that said “Good morning”, which was a nice start, but not quite there yet.
Anyway, my point is that threats send the wrong message to people, a disempowering message, telling them to conform to other people’s rules. Instead, it would be better to use positive reasons, even provide a “what’s in it for me” description to motivate people to do things.
My other point is that you can help change this motivation style in your immediate environment (with your employees, suppliers, kids, etc) and you can also contact the appropriate authorities and ask them if they wouldn’t mind creating a positive world through their messages to the public.
Good luck! Let me know how you go through the comment box below.
Some time ago, I attended a seminar, which wasn’t supposed to be about personal growth (it was meant to be rather technical), but ended up having more personal growth content than anything else. Unlike others in the room, I was pretty happy about it.
This seminar took place in a big room and each participant had to bring a laptop in order to do the various technical exercises, so in front of every person, there was a bright screen, glowing in the overall darkness of the room. During presentations, people couldn’t keep from using their computers - they checked their emails, chatted with friends (some even in the same room), typed their notes and various other things.
But, like I said, much of the presentation content was about personal growth, particularly with respect to operating a business. Obviously, no computers were needed for that. At some point, one of the presenters even asked everyone to close their laptops and interact, make lists and so on. Yet, some laptops stayed open, and over time, more and more were opened and their owners went back to their email checking, document editing and God knows what else.
Eventually, the main speaker came on stage and said to everyone, “You know, the presenters here today are giving you information you cannot find anywhere else on the planet. Some of you have flown here from other cities and paid for hotel accommodations, flights and other things. One of the key messages of this seminar is ‘focus’, and you are letting your laptops control your life”.
There was a very unpleasant silence in the room. He went on, “If you think about it, everything you have on this laptop can wait. You can configure your email to send and receive only when you choose, and you can choose not to do it. You can log out of your chat program and Messenger and IP telephone. You can close the cover of your laptop and it will stop showing you pictures and making sounds at you.”
“More than this”, he continued, “You can turn off you mobile phones, which some of you have been using in the middle of presentations to send SMS messages on. And when you go back home, you can turn the TV off and you can turn your stereo system off and you can even close the door, if that’s what you need in order to FOCUS on getting what you want out of life.”
Because having a laptop computer or a blackberry or a mobile phone can make you feel really important. A TV or a computer can keep you interested and even busy for hours and hours. But if you want to finish the important things in life and get RESULTS, you need to control all of these devices, rather than letting them control you.
All of your software, your computer, you mobile phone and your TV have an “off” button, so you can turn them off when you want. Having them on and paying attention to them is YOUR CHOICE, so remember that every minute away from what’s important is also your choice, and you are free to choose differently!
Our modern culture is full of “get <something> quick” books, seminars, presentations, advertising and so on - get rich quick, get personal growth quick, get instant cash, get instant hair growth - we’ve all seen them everywhere. In many of them, the source presents the argument “If I can do it, so can you!”Moreover, the presenter, author or advertiser tells us “I will show you how to do it step by step”.
So a lot of people attend the seminars, buy the books or audio visual programs and do their best to follow the advice of the mostly-self-proclaimed “guru”. However, only few succeed.
Why is this? Why do so many people fail to get the money, the personal growth or the fitness, even when presented with a bullet-proof, step-by-step method, coming from a live example of success?
Good question. I’m glad you asked.
In all the personal growth and wealth creation material I’ve heard and read, invariably there is the bit where you must let go of your current thinking and adopt the thinking proposed by the new system. “All you have to do is buy <this, that and the other>, learn <some skills>, spend some time every day <doing what I tell you to do> and voilà, your life will change forever”, says your guide-of-the-day, but, try as you might, you cannot see yourself spending that initial amount of money or that initial amount of time.
Another recommendation we find hard to follow is “Delegate. Don’t do everything yourself. Pay others to do the routine tasks for you and focus on strategy”. This means (oh, my God) having to spend money on an ongoing basis, which is even harder than a one-time amount.
“Well, that’s natural”, you say, “How do I know I won’t just lose that money and time I’ve spent and get nothing in return?” In fact, that’s what most people say, and it’s exactly why they don’t make it big like their mentors say they can.
The missing ingredient is a leap of faith. If you got anything out of “What the Bleep Do We Know” and “The Secret”, it should have been that our beliefs and focus change our universe. The people who fail or get limited success do not have the belief that THEY can do it. Their focus is therefore on justifying this belief by finding reasons for their lack of success and then ways to actually not succeed. They subconsciously ask the question “Why can I not do this?”.
The successful people, on the other hand, have faith in their ability to follow through and in their ability to judge good advice. They immediately start focusing on “How will I do this?”
My life coaching instructor told us time and time again “‘Why’ is a past-facing question. If you ask your coaching clients ‘why’, they will look to their past for the answers. ‘How’ is a future-facing question. This question you should ask your coaching clients often”.
So here’s your chance to coach yourself to riches, fitness or personal growth success. Find a quiet place to sit, close your eyes, take a deep breath and relax. First, imagine your mentor’s success and see yourself with them, having achieved your goals and succeeded. Then, go over all the successes you’ve had in the past, reliving the awesome feeling of completion and achievement. Finally, walk yourself through how YOU will carry out each of the steps in the new method. As you do this, make a note of the challenges you may face along the way, and recall how you’ve overcome similar challenges in your life.
When you open your eyes, for each of the remaining challenges, write down the question “How will I <get the desired result>?” and keep the list in your pocket. Your subconscious will know it’s there and will keep finding solutions for you until it finds them all.
[Solution ideas: save, borrow, plan, network, ask, partner, use the Internet, use the 80/20 rule, breathe deeply, smile]
Repeat this self-coaching session with yourself daily (oh, yes you can!) , until you get all the answers and achieve success, because YOU CAN.
Let’s face it, most of the people we know measure themselves and others by the perception of their “net worth”. They may not know what others are “worth”, but that doesn’t stop them from making wild guesses, based on external appearances, like clothes, cars and house, and decide whether a person is successful in life or not.
This influence gets many people stuck in life. They look at their own bank account and think “Oh, my God, I am such a failure”, while there is much in their life they could see as success. There are others who sacrifice many important things in their life, but their bank balance is large, so they think “Gee, I am so successful, why am I so miserable?”.
Now, I don’t contest the importance of financial comfort, because our world is a lot nicer when we have money. What I am saying is that the link between the amount of money you have and how successful in life is not 1:1. In fact, anyone can see themselves as a success in some areas, sometimes even more so than compared with “the rich people”.
Here are some “personal growth” things that will get you feeling successful in no time:
- No matter what decision you ever make, it always has a down side. The decision only has to do with what is more important to you. This means that you are always more successful than you could be, had you chosen differently, according to your own priorities. Whenever you make a decision, you choose the most successful option by your definition.
So when you evaluate your life, remember that by your standards, you are as successful as you could be.
- The flip side, of course, is to look at what other people sacrifice in order to gain their financial success - time with their kids, broken marriage, lost friends, stress-induced medical conditions and lots more. When you look at their decisions, their down side may be your up side, and your time with your kids, your loving relationships and your health are your successes, even if you’ve had to give up money to have them.
When you die, seeing the face of people who love you is a lot more comforting than knowing you have money in the bank…
- Brian Tracey, a truly remarkable man, says that success is a matter of focus and that one should focus on learning and growth, instead of achievements. It may take some time to hit a goal, so keeping motivated can be a challenge on days when nothing is finished. Brian Tracey suggests to focus on improvements instead. Every day, you can be successful at being a bit better than yesterday at something.
Measure you skill levels at various things and set daily goals to improve them. The compounding of these improvements will take you a long way, but more importantly, you will feel like a success all the time.
[Just to be absolutely clear, many rich people also have friends and lead a good life outside of work. I sincerely hope no rich people have been hurt in the process of creating this post 
]
What I’m saying is that the starting point of each one of us is different, so comparing people based on any single factor is ridiculous, let alone a perceived factor. Broaden your definition of success and make it your own. Decide what’s important for YOU, break it down to little bits, conquer them daily and feel successful all the time.
That should put a big smile on your face!
Lifestyle is a very popular word. There are many people searching for this work on the Internet. There are many websites offering lifestyle information and lifestyle products. There are many magazines dedicated to lifestyle in general and even some particular area of lifestyle.
I grew up in a small town, so for me, I used to interpret “lifestyle” as “style of living” or “the particular way in which one prefers to arrange one’s objects, human environment and habits”. To me, it was related to my ability to choose wearing casual clothes, preferring to play basketball over soccer, growing a beard in winter and shaving it in summer.
Well, I’m finding more and more that I’m an insignificant minority in a vast sea of people, who see “lifestyle” as something that is externally designed and bestowed upon them through the media.Take a moment now to open a new window and search in your favorite search engine for “lifestyle” and see what comes up and the amounts of pressure associated with everything.
The pressure cooker of modern life has most of the people I know chasing fantasy clothing and “beauty” products that look good mainly in the ads showing them (on a model, with special lighting, in a special setting, in a super-touched-up image). But, if a famous actress wears them, than so must every other woman, right?
Obviously, when this “lifestyle” keeps changing, people find themselves chasing it year after year and season after season, which cements the feeling of lack more than the feeling of choice.
And feeling is exactly the key to escaping this pursuit of “style” (which is no longer a neutral world). When you want to buy something, you are actually buying a feeling. It could be the feeling of abundance (”because I can”), the desire to attract someone, a need to feel significance of a need to belong. Whatever that feeling is, it is the true aim of any purchase.
So, when you feel that you “must” buy something or paint the house or change your car or become a member of a club, ask yourself “What feeling am I trying to buy here?” or “What feeling am I trying to get rid of with this purchase?”
Share your experiences and insights with the rest of us below by posting a comment.
The thing that used to get me stuck the most, back before my personal growth began in earnest, was being right. No matter the cost, I just had to be right at everything. I would argue until the cows came home, and then a bit more, and by then, many friends thought they had better things to do and gave up.
Do you think that stopped me? No way! I had to make them see the light, didn’t I? No point accepting feeble defeat. The other person had to clearly state that I was right and give some very good reasons, which I supplied myself earlier, of course, as to WHY I was right.
As much as this sounds crazy, I know others who are just like this.
Anyway, I’ve since grown a bit and figured out that when I feel I need to be right, my focus is on what the other person is thinking about me. Realistically, for the most part, who cares?
Before you go to the effort of finding people who do matter, consider that even for you, most people don’t. Most other people’s opinion of you will have very little impact on the quality of your life. So don’t bother.
What’s more, most topics aren’t that important. Think back to arguments you’ve had in your life and I’m sure you’ll agree that social topics certainly don’t matter, you can easily let go of sports, fashion, style and other personal taste topics, because personal choice is just that - personal. You can choose one thing and the other person can choose another and that’s fine.
Finally, in most cases, there is no right and wrong anyway. Human beings operate on beliefs and those are subjective. Truth is a very tricky thing to establish (ask generations of philosophers), so the question of who is right is, well, quite absurd to being with.
“So what should I do instead?”, you ask. Clever question. Well done for asking.
By asking this question, as is the case very often, you have alluded to the answer. Take responsibility for and focus on your desired outcome and do what you can to get to it. No point being right and having no friends, right? So instead, focus on finding some middle ground, or better yet, a win-win situation, in which everybody’s right.
Good luck!
In the past few years, there has been a proliferation of seminars, mainly around wealth creation, Internet marketing and personal growth. Various “gurus”, like Anthony Robbins, made this style of training for the masses popular and more and more people attend, in hope of becoming rich, successful and happy.
However, if you’ve attended any such seminar, you have probably come out of it wanting more and thinking “Gosh, this gives me so much, but I’m not much better off now than I was before. What’s going on here?”
What’s going on is that most of these seminars operate at the general level. They are tailored for a “standard person”, and, more often than not, are mainly a very elaborate method for selling additional products and services to a captive and thoroughly pre-qualified audience.
“So are you saying that personal growth seminars are worthless?”, you ask.
No, they most certainly aren’t. In fact, many of them are great, but they are only as good as your focus. You see, if you find yourself sitting in the big room and thinking about what the presenter is getting out of the seminar, you are forgetting about yourself at the same time. However, if you are constantly on the lookout for information you can use for your own benefit, you will find plenty of it.
What’s more, personal growth (and other) seminars are excellent networking opportunities, which you can use to build relationships with like-minded people, who share at least one meaningful experience with you. So when the presenter says “Walk around the room and introduce yourself”, make yourself known to as many people as you can, swap cards with them and get to know something about them. When the presenter says “Tell the person next to you they are great and give them a hug”, turn to the person next to you and do just that, because when you give, you receive. Hugs feel good even when the presenter wants to manipulate you. If you focus on yourself, you will enjoy the hug and maybe walk out of there with new friends.
I was talking to a friend of mine about a personal growth seminar I had attended, and he asked, “Isn’t all this stuff you already knew?” Technically, it was, but it was presented from a different angle, using new examples, and (and this is the most important) I was a different person. Sometimes, I hear or read something and it stays for a while, but I don’t implement it, until the knowledge fades away. Getting another exposure to it, especially in another context, awakens me to its potential again and reinforces my previous learning, which I would not have used if I didn’t bump into it again.
So I say focus on the value you are getting for yourself at personal growth seminars, participate with everything you’ve got, meet your neighbors and implement.
