One day, I was standing at the post office, waiting to be served, and in front of me in life were a few people, who cam to pay their bills there. While I was waiting, I looked around, and noticed a rather large sign behind the counter, which said in red, bold letter, “Avoid Penalties!”

The people who come to the post office to pay their bills are usually (and I’m not saying always) the kind of people who get a short paycheck and calculate every cent of their expenses, while being unaware of, or unable to use, automatic payment means, credit cards, etc. Many of them have bills hanging over their heads anyway, they’re afraid of losing their job, not making mortgage payments, disconnections and other threats, and now they are being warned of penalties?

Often, when I drive on the highway, I see a sign saying “Wear a seatbelt or wear a fine”, another one saying “Speed cameras are operated in this area” or even one asking “Which one would you rather ride tonight?” and showing a taxi and a police car (that one’s for people thinking of driving drunk).

Obviously, we want drivers to behave on the road and to drive safely, but what happens when the incentive given is to avoid being caught? I know I keep my eyes on the speedometer, which is really not where I should be looking when I drive. I should be looking at the road. I know that drivers, especially young ones, see these signs as a challenge and do their best to drive too fast or while intoxicated and not get caught.

Now, I can’t do much about the sign at the post office, but I did write to the government department in charge of the highway and said, “How about writing on the sign something like ‘Thank you for driving safely’?”

Well, after quite a long time, I got a call from a man, who said he was really sorry, but he couldn’t approve such a change. When I asked him why, he said “Because I don’t have the authority to approve sign changes”. I asked him, “In that case, why did you ring me? Go ahead and escalate my suggestion to the person with the proper authority”.

“Oh, no, I can’t do that”, he said. Go figure.

A few months later, I saw a sign that said “Good morning”, which was a nice start, but not quite there yet.

Anyway, my point is that threats send the wrong message to people, a disempowering message, telling them to conform to other people’s rules. Instead, it would be better to use positive reasons, even provide a “what’s in it for me” description to motivate people to do things.

My other point is that you can help change this motivation style in your immediate environment (with your employees, suppliers, kids, etc) and you can also contact the appropriate authorities and ask them if they wouldn’t mind creating a positive world through their messages to the public.

Good luck! Let me know how you go through the comment box below.

This seminar took place in a big room and each participant had to bring a laptop in order to do the various technical exercises, so in front of every person, there was a bright screen, glowing in the overall darkness of the room. During presentations, people couldn’t keep from using their computers – they checked their emails, chatted with friends (some even in the same room), typed their notes and various other things.

But, like I said, much of the presentation content was about personal growth, particularly with respect to operating a business. Obviously, no computers were needed for that. At some point, one of the presenters even asked everyone to close their laptops and interact, make lists and so on. Yet, some laptops stayed open, and over time, more and more were opened and their owners went back to their email checking, document editing and God knows what else.

Eventually, the main speaker came on stage and said to everyone, “You know, the presenters here today are giving you information you cannot find anywhere else on the planet. Some of you have flown here from other cities and paid for hotel accommodations, flights and other things. One of the key messages of this seminar is ‘focus’, and you are letting your laptops control your life”.

There was a very unpleasant silence in the room. He went on, “If you think about it, everything you have on this laptop can wait. You can configure your email to send and receive only when you choose, and you can choose not to do it. You can log out of your chat program and Messenger and IP telephone. You can close the cover of your laptop and it will stop showing you pictures and making sounds at you.”

“More than this”, he continued, “You can turn off you mobile phones, which some of you have been using in the middle of presentations to send SMS messages on. And when you go back home, you can turn the TV off and you can turn your stereo system off and you can even close the door, if that’s what you need in order to FOCUS on getting what you want out of life.”

Because having a laptop computer or a blackberry or a mobile phone can make you feel really important. A TV or a computer can keep you interested and even busy for hours and hours. But if you want to finish the important things in life and get RESULTS, you need to control all of these devices, rather than letting them control you.

All of your software, your computer, you mobile phone and your TV have an “off” button, so you can turn them off when you want. Having them on and paying attention to them is YOUR CHOICE, so remember that every minute away from what’s important is also your choice, and you are free to choose differently!

This influence gets many people stuck in life. They look at their own bank account and think “Oh, my God, I am such a failure”, while there is much in their life they could see as success. There are others who sacrifice many important things in their life, but their bank balance is large, so they think “Gee, I am so successful, why am I so miserable?”.

Now, I don’t contest the importance of financial comfort, because our world is a lot nicer when we have money. What I am saying is that the link between the amount of money you have and how successful in life is not 1:1. In fact, anyone can see themselves as a success in some areas, sometimes even more so than compared with “the rich people”.

Here are some “personal growth” things that will get you feeling successful in no time:

1. No matter what decision you ever make, it always has a down side. The decision only has to do with what is more important to you. This means that you are always more successful than you could be, had you chosen differently, according to your own priorities. Whenever you make a decision, you choose the most successful option by your definition.
   So when you evaluate your life, remember that by your standards, you are as successful as you could be.
2. The flip side, of course, is to look at what other people sacrifice in order to gain their financial success – time with their kids, broken marriage, lost friends, stress-induced medical conditions and lots more. When you look at their decisions, their down side may be your up side, and your time with your kids, your loving relationships and your health are your successes, even if you’ve had to give up money to have them.
   When you die, seeing the face of people who love you is a lot more comforting than knowing you have money in the bank…
3. Brian Tracey, a truly remarkable man, says that success is a matter of focus and that one should focus on learning and growth, instead of achievements. It may take some time to hit a goal, so keeping motivated can be a challenge on days when nothing is finished. Brian Tracey suggests to focus on improvements instead. Every day, you can be successful at being a bit better than yesterday at something.
   Measure you skill levels at various things and set daily goals to improve them. The compounding of these improvements will take you a long way, but more importantly, you will feel like a success all the time.

[Just to be absolutely clear, many rich people also have friends and lead a good life outside of work. I sincerely hope no rich people have been hurt in the process of creating this post ]

What I’m saying is that the starting point of each one of us is different, so comparing people based on any single factor is ridiculous, let alone a perceived factor. Broaden your definition of success and make it your own. Decide what’s important for YOU, break it down to little bits, conquer them daily and feel successful all the time.

That should put a big smile on your face!

I grew up in a small town, so for me, I used to interpret “lifestyle” as “style of living” or “the particular way in which one prefers to arrange one’s objects, human environment and habits”. To me, it was related to my ability to choose wearing casual clothes, preferring to play basketball over soccer, growing a beard in winter and shaving it in summer.

Well, I’m finding more and more that I’m an insignificant minority in a vast sea of people, who see “lifestyle” as something that is externally designed and bestowed upon them through the media.Take a moment now to open a new window and search in your favorite search engine for “lifestyle” and see what comes up and the amounts of pressure associated with everything.

The pressure cooker of modern life has most of the people I know chasing fantasy clothing and “beauty” products that look good mainly in the ads showing them (on a model, with special lighting, in a special setting, in a super-touched-up image). But, if a famous actress wears them, than so must every other woman, right?

Obviously, when this “lifestyle” keeps changing, people find themselves chasing it year after year and season after season, which cements the feeling of lack more than the feeling of choice.

And feeling is exactly the key to escaping this pursuit of “style” (which is no longer a neutral world). When you want to buy something, you are actually buying a feeling. It could be the feeling of abundance (“because I can”), the desire to attract someone, a need to feel significance of a need to belong. Whatever that feeling is, it is the true aim of any purchase.

So, when you feel that you “must” buy something or paint the house or change your car or become a member of a club, ask yourself “What feeling am I trying to buy here?” or “What feeling am I trying to get rid of with this purchase?”

Share your experiences and insights with the rest of us below by posting a comment.